Dad, Lucifer Just Called
by The Daughter of The Evening
Summary: And he says I ordered ten male strippers. COMEDY. No slash intended.
1. Poker

Oh gawd. Everyone's so _serious_ when it comes to the Bible. Why can there be no comedy?

* * *

O0O One day in Heaven O0O

The four arch-angels, Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, and Uriel were gathered around a table, a game of Poker underway in front of them.

"Gabriel, how did you get a full house _again_?" Michael eyed him, frowning.

Gabriel gave a light smile, that usually mean't he was playing a trick, and he offered a lazy shrug. "It's called skill, Mikey. You wouldn't know, though, would you?"

"My name is not Mikey, Gabbie." Michael retorted. Gabriel clutched his chest and pretended to be hurt.

"That hurt, bro. No, really."

"Um, guys?" Raphael flicked his cards with his index finger. "Head in the game, please?"

"Ralph, that only applies to Basketball." Uriel said knowingly.

"Ralph?" Raphael frowned.

"Urine, you've been watching too much High School Musical." Michael sighed, running a hand through his dirty-blonde hair.

"Urine?" Uriel gasped, looking at Michael with wide eyes.

"You know what?" Michael raised his hands as if to surrender. "Let's just stop with the nicknames before Heaven has another Great War over something as stupid as that."

Gabriel looked to the side and mumbled. "'Kay, Mikey."

Michael dismissed it. He didn't have pride. Unlike someone he knew.

Michael's phone began to ring, and he sighed, slipped it out of his pocket and put it to his ear. "Hello?"

A deep, yet somewhat familiar voice was on the other line. "Hello, this is Lucas from Hellens Whore House, calling to confirm your order of ten male strippers?"

Michael frowned. He lowered the phone. "Hey, did any of you guys order any male strippers?"

They all shook their heads. Michael sighed and returned to the call.

"You must have the wrong number."

"No, I don't. I checked to make sure I was right."

A sigh elicited from Michael's lips. "Then may I cancel the order?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't know, I don't make the rules."

"I didn't buy any, so I'm not going to pay."

"Look, dude, your just going to have to accept you bought some male strippers and pay-"

Michael hung up. The other angels were snickering, and a few were getting some ideas about that call.

The phone rang again. Michael picked it up.

"Hey, this is Lucas from Hellens Whore House-"

"I didn't order any male strippers!"

O0O The same day in Hell O0O

The demons around Lucifer busted out laughing as Michael hung up on them for the second time. Even Lucifer was chuckling softly to himself. Lucifer called Michael again.

"Look, I did not order-"

"Hello, this is Lucifer from Hells Whore House." Lucifer smirked, using his normal voice now.

"Luce, you prick!"

"Hello, Mikey. Having a good time? Because were having a Hell of a good time down here."

A girly demon giggled. "Hee. Hell of a good time."

"Lucifer, I swear to God, your a son of a bitch- OW!"

They couldn't contain it any longer – the laughter turned into hysterical tears.

O0O Back in Heaven O0O

"What was that for?" Michael rubbed the spot on his head where God had hit him.

"Reprimandment." God frowned, peering at Michaels phone, the source of the laughter.

"Dad, Lucifer prank called me! Do something! Piss him off! Kick his ass!" Michael hissed.

God sighed and took the phone from Michael.

O0O Back in Hell O0O

"Lucifer, your grounded." God said blandly.

"What? I'm in Hell! You can't ground me!" He shouted.

"I made the rules, so I can change them." God said casually. "You already lost your Grace – wanna lose your dignity, too?"

"Shut up!"

God smiled slightly. "I might take your repuation, too. But first you have to earn your reputation for me to take it away."

"I have dignity! I have a reputation." Lucifer frowned, a mumbled to himself,_ just not a good one_.

God smirked. "Have fun, son." He thought for a moment. "Oh, and don't forget, your daddy loves you!" He hung up. That would teach him.

Lucifer blinked. The demons around him were smirking.

"Oh, look. Master is a daddys boy." Joked a female demon, short with red hair.

"I am _not_!"


	2. Uno

**DISCLAIMER ::** I don't own the Bible. Thank your God. Neither do I own Uno or Orange Crush Soda. That stuff is better than cocaine. Mike agrees.

* * *

"FUCKING SHIT! I CALL CHEATS!" Lucifer screamed, as Michael won yet another round of Uno.

Michael raised an eyebrow. "I don't cheat. Your the one who cheats. You just suck at the straw at Uno."

"Ugh." Lucifer grumbled, slipping another card out from the deck. The third red six? That wasn't helping him.

"Okay, why don't we just quit?" Michael suggested, popping open a can of orange crush soda. His favorite drink ever.

"You know what?" Lucifer leaned over the table to look Michael straight in the eyes. "Person who wins this round gets to take a whack at Gabriel."

"YOUR ON!"


End file.
